Airborne

Never seen Airborne? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Logan Short This is one of my favorite movie because: It shows how you can resolve conflict peacefully as an extremist. I am shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because: She’s dating Lorne. The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are: 1. Seth Green 2. Jack Black 3. Mitchell Goosen describe “Stylin“

Darch I’m pretty sure this movie is about: No idea. But if I had to guess (and I definitely do), then I’d guess it’s about a bunch of chill brahs that just love to skate. Like, their daily grind is grinding. There’s some chill babes, too, but like, the brahs are so into skateboarding. It’s their life to skateboard and they just don’t have time for babes. But Chaz does. And when Chaz meets the babe of his life, all of his friendships are going to change. Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie: “She’s my life now!” There’s that scene where Chaz’s best friend is trying to convince Chaz that he’ll always love skateboarding, and you can’t escape your love, because it’s an airbourne virus. Also, “Sick grind, brah!” I haven’t seen this movie because: Not sure. I like Skateboarding and terrible lines and I have a feeling this movie is going to have A LOT of both.

Darch types in gray over here.

Logan types in red over here.

Warner Brothers sign stays up a lot longer in the 90s

—CREDITS OVER SOMEONE SURFING—

Confused on how the ocean and rollerblading unite.

THIS MOVIE HAS CLOSED CAPTIONS!

Darch is pumped about the captions. She should be pumped about the gnar.

DARCH JUST FOUND OUT JACK BLACK’S IN THIS. YASSSSS

“Team rollerblade” is credited. Can’t wait for some sweet stunts.

Are Californian white kids supposed to call themselves “gook.” yikes

These kids are just calling each other the Korean N-word.

A little oversaturated in this home scene. I’m a cinematographer.

Waves and Babes is what this dude is excited about in Australia… but his parents are making him move to… Cincinnati. Sucks dude.

THIS MOVIE IS JOHNNY TSUNAMI.

Before Johnny Tsunami, mind you

—THE SURFER MOVES TO CINCINATTI—

The Cinci Mom & Dad are most definitely from Manitoba

Can’t wait until Seth Green’s character makes a fucking terrible art film.

These Midwest people are bewildered by this West Coast brah, this west coast brah is bewildered by these midwest folk.

The worst part about sharing a room with your guy cousin in high school is most definitely “where do you masturbate?”

Fun fact: Wiley’s man cave doubles as a serial killer’s lair in Pretty Little Liars.

—THEY GO TO SCHOOL AND HAVE A CLASS WITH EVERY MAIN CHARACTER—

Why are movie high school’s always castles or fortresses? They look great!

Also, His jacket/sweatshirt combo is very 2016 Kanyesque

Darch – “WTF is happening” ME: The midwest kids are California Dreamin

“It’s Speech Class. Come up here and make a speech, you know what to do. Come on” -The worst teacher in the world

“I like to sleep and I like Nintendo”- the Jack Black of my dreams.

The teacher right now is like “Yeah, go ahead and call the new student out. Let’s see where this goes. I won’t step in.”

Surfer is a derogatory term in Cinci

Hey it’s the first day of school but we have our biggest hockey game tonight because our athletic director sucks.

This movie is moving so fast. The hockey team has the EXACT correct amount of players and within one conversation, both the mean kid and the nerd cousin got promoted.

—AT THE BIG GAME—

Snake moved me to tears in CRASH

There are red blue and white jerseys out here. Who is reffing this game?

The Main Preps name is BLANE! Like David!

Lot of wave philosophy.

ENTER WEIRD CUTE GIRL. Wonder where this is going?

WHAT? We’re down a man, in the middle of the game, Surfer, you’re up. Just put on this dude’s sweaty jersey I guess.

Surfer can knuckle puck.

Ice Skating fast sounds like two swords being aggressively sharpened. Little much sound guy. I’m also whatever you call a sound guy on a movie.

Foley artist – thank you Darch

How come it took Seth Green until the lights were off in the rink and everyone was gone to go over to his cousin?

Darch just made me much more aware of the depths of our main character. He used to fight. Now he doesn’t.

Wow.

—MONTAGE OF HIGH SCHOOL PRANKS—

I really can’t get over how much the style of this time is the same as it is now.

These are not pranks. They are vandalizing the school.

But how much work would it take to get sand into a locker? And to stay there? Feel like more time than it’s worth. Jokes on the jokesters.

I love having subtitles on because we can see how much “Sloshing” there is in this movie.

This movie is kind of subtley rated R, somehow, does that make sense? Sleeper raunchy.

The parents in this movie are BY FAR the best part.

—SURFER REMEMBERS HE LOVES ROLLER BLADING. GOES OUT—

Darch notices the best details. Love interest carrying an umbrella for no damn reason.

Update: The umbrella is GONE in the next scene.

True. This movie’s garbage. My apologies.

Cute boy is SWEEPING love interest off her feet with his plant knowledge. I wish someone would appreciate me like that.

Mitchell just told Nikki (love interest) he loves the ginger flower cuz it likes water and Nikki said thanks. 1. All fucking flowers love water. 2. Nikki you ain’t God. You didn’t create no fuckin ginger flower. Fuck you Nikki.

Can you get a piggy back ride from someone on roller blades? I feel like that’s what the scene is building to.

Nikki smiling at Mitchell Skating while she has to just follow him around on foot is a lie. I’ve taken my gf to the skatepark. It aint fun for em.

I’m super involved in this umbrella subplot.

I love that the surfer everyone hates just amassed a crew by skating around.

The skate tricks montage is obviously my favorite. Especially because it involves bikers, skateboarders, and rollerbladers all shredding together. Notice no scooters. NO SCOOTERS!

—SETH GREEN AND SURFER PREPARE FOR THEIR DATE—

“My date better be a babe. She better have nice eyes and… teeth” She’s not a horse dude…

YAAS FASHION SHOW SCENE

Fashion show scene, with two cousins. Male cousins. Pretty progressive for the 90s.

Okay, why would one person have like 50 styles of clothes in this one closet?

Seems that Seth Green started the black wedding band trend with this trend. Lookin at you McGuire.

“I know this cool restaurant…” Then they just go to this gross riverside.

—FINALLY IN THE RESTAURANT—

“So my Dad shot her” was a segway from Seth Green from a diff scene.

BLANE is back! He’s the worst!

So, Hot weird girl OBVIOUSLY had a thing with the star of the Preps.

When people get pissed about the privilege of straight white men, they are talking about BLANE. Let Blane be a derogatory term for all terrible straight white guys. The Blane of our existence!

YOU GUYS. Hot weird girl is the main bully’s SISTER. And when he finds out she likes the surfer… oh man…

I always forget that women had no rights in the 90s.

Clarification. Main bully is not Blane. Main bully is Jack. Blane is like the Emperor. Jack is like Darth. Foreshadowing. Don’t read Darch!

Why is everyone just cool with TWO DIFFERENT FIGHTS in this restaurant? Doesn’t anyone work here?

CLASSIC FOOT in mouth. Surfer yells that he doesn’t care about anyone and the girl he cares about hears it and leaves.

Shit – I def should’ve caught that Mitchell USED to fight. I was 12. Def only paid attention to sweet tricks. Cut me a break.

“I didn’t know she was Jack’s sister” How? This school has ALL the main characters in the same speech class. It’s not a huge school or anything.

—HOT WEIRD GIRL AND SURFER HAVE A FALLING OUT—

Mitchell Goosen should consider getting a sleep study done on him. He could just have crazy dreams, orrrr he could have sleep apnea.

I’m taking notes to dream journal this later- huge wave, shark, “La ola es mia.”

Mitchell Goosen taking liberty at using the word “obviously” when explaining what dreams mean. How pretentious. He doesn’t know.

If he’s already figured out what his dream means, why did he wake up Wiley?

—THERE’S A STREET HOCKEY GAME, STILL AGAINST THE PREPS—

Wiley’s always crashing. Like Wiley Coyote. WOOWWWWWW. What writing

Jack Black is really into Mitchell’s butt.

Okay. Just to recap. Hot weird girl doesn’t like Surfer because he’s leaving in 3 months and doesn’t care about anyone here, but then he starts playing hockey and she’s like “What was I thinking? I’m in love.” What?

Mitchell just got tackled and his lip is bleeding. I don’t think it happens that way. However, this movie is awesomely about pacifism.. Everybody should watch.

Everyone in this movie is SO into fighting. Like, it makes no sense. Everyone stop encouraging him to fight.

OF COURSE Jack Black’s character loves when the Emperor gets pantsed.

I really like that Mitchell won back Nikki’s heart with a scored goal and pantsing. If only resolving conflict were that easy. Ahhh the 90s.

—THE HOCKEY TEAM COMES OVER TO WILEY’S HOUSE—

Also, it should be noted that Snake has COMPLETELY ditched his old crew and is just running with the hockey players now. Where’s his movie?

SERIOUSLY. The conflict resolution in this movie is the surfer pantses someone and everyone’s like “We just figured you all wrong.”

Challenged the preps (aka Emperor Blane and the Empire) to a race to SETTLE everything once and for all. I guess when your quarrels are as ambiguous as theirs, you settle with a skate race, cuz, why the fuck not.

Okay, so again, clarification needed: the Preps are the rival hockey team that they keep losing to, so in order to settle the score they are going to… race down a hill?

You’d think you’d cut your losses with sports at some point. Not these guys. Fuck the preps.

—THE LONGEST RACE SCENE ON EARTH BEGINS—

“The first team with three over the line wins” False. Not the definition of a race.

Flashbacks to when Team Pup n Suds were racing Team X-blade and Gabby got f’ed up.

This movie was the basis for so many good movies!

But really how hilly can Cinci be?

What just happened to Jack Black’s nuts and that tree would be hospital worthy. Prob no more kids.

This race is so dangerous.

Is Cincinatti this hilly!? really?!

A lot of cars in this race. Maybe they should have blocked off the road or skated during not rush hour?

How do they know which roads to turn down? I would get lost in this race.

As a production coordinator, i’d think this part was a nightmare to plan.

What they don’t show is everybody discussing the map of where to go in this race.

Is Cincinatti this long!? Really?!

Melissa joked about Californian’s perceptions about the midwest as having holes everywhere at the beginning of the movie. The construction workers were just digging a hole.

A lot of skating fast is curling up in the fetal position and hoping.

BLANE IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE. But asshole’s reap what they sow. And that is poop.

The worst part of Blane falling into the water to his death is how gross the water probably is.

Also nobody helps Blane. And it seems to be that he drowned.

Classic “I’m okay” line from a guy who’s not okay.. hilarious.

In the middle of a classic smooch, Seth Green says “Now Popeye, there was a great guy” to a girl that has NO IDEA about that subplot.

10/10 would watch again.

Overall Rating: B+/A- Comments: Everything you can expect from this movie and want, you’ll get. It’s Brink and Johnny Tsunami and every classic high school movie. The surfer is totally a California babe, and everyone looks terrible the whole time. Fashion is crazy and everyone is just really their own person. It made me laugh and tear up and want to surf. Seriously, watch it, it’s stylin’.