The Chase

A slow speeding good time!

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Haven’t seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Kate Cole

This is one of my favorite movies because:

it was the first PG-13 movie I ever watched by myself.

I’m shocked Darch hasn’t seen The Chase:

because every good pre teen girl needs her first sexual awakening to be a 90s Charlie Sheen.

The 3 parts of The Chase that I’m excited for Darch to see are:

1.) The Flea and Anthony Kedis cameo

2.) The infamous sex scene

3.) CADAVERS, CADAVERS, CADAVERS!

Darch

I’m pretty sure this movie is about:

So, I’ve been making a lot of predictions based on the people that chose the movie, so this time I’m going straight off the title. The Chase is about two quirky high schoolers weeks away from graduation. Their whole lives they’ve followed the rules, so this week, they’re going to rob a bank! The heist goes off with out a hitch, until the cops are after them. But wait til they discover that while they’ve been being chased, they’ve really been chasing… each other.

Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:

They’re in a cabin that’s wayy too small and gross, but it’s raining so they have to stay there, and there’s ONLY ONE BED. “You’ve always been the one I chased.”

I haven’t seen this movie because:

Never heard of it. Which is the story of my life.

Darch types in gray over here.

Kate types in red over here.

—THEY MEET IN A GAS STATION—

I feel like I’m going to have a moment in this movie where a young kid sees a payphone for the first time.

The sparks have flown.

These cops think a butterfinger is a gun… when will movies ever make cops look good???

This is NOT Charlie Sheen’s first rodeo.

It’s a candy bar Darch, He’s kidnapping her with a butterfinger.

Why did he trust this gas station attendant with coordination?

‘Kick it over here, Pele’ Topical to 1994!

Of course this woman has a hot red sports car.

There are a lot of dead on cop tropes going on here. Black/White, Henry Rollins/The guy from Jurassic Park

Charlie Sheen/a hot girl that may have STDs…

—HE KIDNAPS HER AND BEGINS… THE CHASE—

I love that they zoom in on what is going to happen, so I know.

It’s as if someone was like “what would a high maintenance person look like?”

Sunhat.

‘We dont want him spinning out and hitting a bus full of nuns’…Probably a Black Flag lyric

—WE MEET THE FIRST MOVIE WITHIN A MOVIE, TWO COPS WITH A CAMERA MAN IN THE BACK SEAT—

Also, Henry Rollins is turning the steering wheel A LOT for a straight road.

She just puked on a windshield and Kate LAUGHED at me.

Darch turned away from the screen like she was watching a snuff film.

—WE GO TO THE POLICE STATION—

“We don’t shoot first and ask questions later.” -topical

I also love that the Captain was yelling at a lady cop until she was crying and that will not be brought up ever.

‘Dalton Voss is the Donald Trump of California’ -Topical!

This movie in a movie really helps me understand why the movie is so dramatic.

Uhhhhh Ohhhhhh…..DARCH IS LOSING HER MIND AT THE CADAVERS!!!!

Okay the fat cop from Jurrasic Park literally said “Ewwwww” while he gently removed the cadaver from the now-puke-free windshield.

‘Terrorist have ratty beards and blow up airports’ -Foreshadowing. Never forget.

—WE FIND OUT HIGH MAINTENANCE IS THE DAUGHTER OF THE RICHEST MAN—

What was the RICHEST WOMAN in CALIFORNIA doing in a gas station????

Good old fashioned zoom in and enhance on a gas station camera.

So far we’ve seen two women cops, neither in the line of duty. I’ll keep you posted on when a woman is useful in the movie.

Or not getting kidnapped.

Are they in this car the whole movie?

Not the WHOLE movie…They were in a gas station earlier.

“I swear I don’t know what has gotten into you, Natalie” -Dad, who doesnt understand how kidnapping works

THE RED NOSED ROBBER. Is this a clown thing? Or like… a grinding thing?

Charlie Sheen yells at ONE DAD and all of the sudden, Natalie is spilling all her secrets to him. Does she have friends? Or like, a maid she can talk to? Someone get her a Derota.

Or like, some singing woodland critters that she can confide in?

I want to put this soundtrack in a 98’ Ford Escort and go to Warped Tour.

Who hasn’t fallen deeper in love over “Macho Man”?

What speed is considered “fast” in the 90s? 60mph?

Cars hit like…85 tops

“You might still be found innocent. Don’t underestimate public outcry” Looking at you Steven Avery, Brenden Dassey, and Adnan Syed

—THE MEDIA AND CITIZENS EASILY CATCH UP TO THIS HIGH SPEED CHASE—

 RHCP! RHCP! OMG RHCP!

The director of this movie in a movie (that Kate keeps calling coked out Chris Kattan and I keep calling a werewolf) is the real terror on the freeway.

This man halfway out of a helicopter with his camera for over an hour is the real hero of the movie.

“Dressed like a clown” That answers that.

I’m pretty sure they just passed a white bronco on the highway…THE white bronco?

I think the main budget expenditure was on crashing cars and getting the rights to this Offspring song.

And then all of the sides of all of the semis were hand painted.

Just informed Darch that Ron Jeremy made a cameo..may be more grossed out than the puke and cadavers combined.

Okay, these dudes bungeed to the side of a van caught up to this car. HOW FAST IS IT REALLY GOING ???????

It looks like the logos for the news stations all came out of a 50 cent sticker machine

—THEY OFFICIALLY FALL IN LOVE—

“You kidnapped me with a candy bar?” And he stole your heart with a Dad argument.

They are making out…Stockholm syndrome took 24 minutes to set it.

This is the fakest car chase I’ve ever seen. They are boning. And still beating the cops. They also only have 10 miles to f.

They are going 90!!!!!!!! I think I did 90 on the highway last weekend, no cops caught me. Okay, I buy it.

No speed limit on love, Darch!

“Patty Hearst” -Topical!

—THEY GET TO THE BORDER, AKA THE BARRICADE—

The border of Mexico looks like Coney Island.

Seriously. It’s night time everywhere and not one person has had to go to the bathroom.

Quick recap of the movie through Charlies eyes.
If Charlie Sheen were black, he would have been dead the minute he picked up that Butterfinger.

She just shot a helicopter and it exploded. This is the first moment a woman has done something useful. I told you I’d warn you.

 

Overall Rating: B-

Comments: I enjoyed watching the movie with Kate, but it was SO IMPLAUSIBLE, and I couldn’t get past that. Ate and I spent a lot of the movie being surprised that any of it was really happening. It’s a great movie to watch with no expectations. Unless your only expectation is falling in love with Charlie Sheen.

 

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