The Lost Boys

A teen-angsty good time!

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Never seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Rafe Dean Williams

This is one of my favorite movie because:

It is the quintessential 80’s horror/adventure flick.

I am shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because:

The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are:

1. Sexy Saxophone guy

2. Maggots Michael, you’re eating Maggots

3. Sexy Saxophone guy

Darch

I’m pretty sure this movie is about:

The Lost Boys. The only lost boys we all know and love. Finally. I’m sick of the dumb spinoffs about Tinkerbell or like when Wendy gets old. WHO CARES? I’m so excited for this animated remake of the original furries. I’m mostly interested in how the two raccoon twins got matching costumes. Did they make the costumes themselves? Or did their mothers make them and then say, “Go get lost, boys.”

Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:

“Peter, I hate Wendy, for real. She’s totally messing with our chill.” “Wendy, more like Yoko.” There’s a scene where all the lost boys in their pj animal onesies meet each other, but every time before they meet, they think each new person is the animal they represent.

I haven’t seen this movie because:

I’ve never been able to find it. Thank God Rafe told me about it. I’ve dreamed of it my whole life.

Darch types in gray over here.

Rafe types in maroon over here.

—WE MEET THE LOST BOYS—

Movie opens on killer “Thou Shall not Kill” 80’s riff!

Adults on a merry go round. I’m in.

All the blondes are ancestors of Draco Malfoy.

—THE NEW KIDS IN TOWN MEET THE TOWN—

Lotta missing kids in this town and a sick Doors song.

“Any jobs in this town?” “Nothing legal.” HARDCORE

Obligatory dirt bike! Classic 80’s move.

There’s both all missing kids and also no adults in this town.

“You know what it means when there’s no TV? No MTV!” Solid Logic.

“The second shelf is for my rootbeer.” This dad is my dad.

Granddad is the peepaw I aspire to be.

“You have a TV?” “No, but if you read the TV Guide you don’t need TV.” It’s official. He’s my dad.

—NEW KIDS CHECK OUT THE TOWN… AFTER HOURS—

Oiled up saxophone player appears Darch’s life changed forever.

HOT GIRL ALERT

Who hangs a poster of missing cops?

—MOM LOOKS FOR A JOB, HAIM MEETS THE FROGG BROTHERS—

The straight laced guy from every high school movie is wearing a crazy pink blouse in this movie. NO ONE IS SAFE.

Corey Haim is wearing the sweetest of all dusters, suck it Chuck Norris.

“Look if you’re looking for the diet frozen yogurt store it went out of business.” BEST INSULT

—MICHAEL FINDS THE HOT GIRL AGAIN—

HOT GIRL’S boy is dressed like a confederate soldier.

Yeah they call him lil’ Stonewall Jackson cause he’s a huge cockblocker.

All of  Haim’s shirts are pages printed from children’s books.

Kid on back of bike with no helmet, child endagerment is so the 80’s

—MICHAEL GOES TO THE VAMPIRE LAIR—

They have said “Michael” like ten times in the last nine lines.

Cool ninja turtle like lair young mulleted jack bauer

“This is our hangout. We’ve filled it with cool metal trash.”

Never accept beaver from your grandpa 

Cool rob lowe and molly ringwald posters

Michael just wasted a really good carton of maggots.

Michael took a quick slurp of wine and the HOT GIRL and her boy backed away terrified. Like you’re hanging out in a cave with a bunch of dudes that probably murder people and underage drinking is freaking your out?

Mike love that bandana red mad dog 20/20

If I drank every time someone said “Michael” in this movie I’d be in the ER.

If all of your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you? Michael would.

—MICHAEL COMES HOME AND HAIM IS DISPLEASED—

“Lose the earring Michael, it’s not you” Haim is the Jiminy Cricket of the movie.

This kid finds out his brother is a vampire and immediately threatens to tell mom. Such a little brother.

When did they stop putting missing kids on milk cartons?

This was the sole means of protecting kids from predators for 2 decades…
Breakfast scare tactics.

—HAIM GETS ADVICE FROM THE FROGG BROs TO VAMPIRE PROOF HIS LIFE—

What kind of house has eight cloves of garlic just around?

Is HOT GIRL the Wendy of the whole operation?

The raccoon twins (Frogg bros.) are definitely the coolest. They basically own their own comic book shops. No rules.

I wanted to be the Frogg brothers when I was a kid

“What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire?”

Darch still doesn’t realize that she has met one of the vamp actors in real life.

How does HOT GIRL know Laddie? Siblings? Kidnapped from the same gypsy camp? Time travel companions?

—TO TURN MICHAEL HUMAN AGAIN, THEY HAVE TO KILL THE HEAD VAMPIRE—

Touching brother moment but Edgar frog does not fuck around.

Secret cave hang out with a secret entrance? Very Peter Pan of the Lost Boys.

Great time for a nap Michael

Keeping with Twilight canon, the vampires blood is diamond dust. Some rave girls love this movie.

—THEY DONE FUCKED UP AND NOW THEY REALLY HAVE TO VAMPIRE PROOF THE HOUSE FOR THE BIG BATTLE—

Time for that sweet ass montage.

Is there a garlic farm nearby?

Holy water super soakers, suck it Kevin Mccallister OG home alone move.

The greatest mystery of all is who tf is laddie?

Holy water n garlic holistic chemical peel

All the pipes just exploded blood. Sounds like THE WORST period.

This vampire just died because he was electrocuted by a stereo and then a bunch of fire crackers went off behind him. I think this is “special effects”.

THIS HOUSE IS DESTROYED and no one learned a damn thing.

PopPop put a nice button on it.

Overall Rating: B

Comments: This movie was fun and stupid. It was a really good time to watch. I’m kind of surprised it isn’t like a cult movie, where people like throw maggots at the screen and all dress up like Corey Haim and play fake saxophones. Actually, that sounds really fun. I’m in.

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