Hunt for the Wilderpeople

A burger ring good time!

Never seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Charles Harris

This is one of my favorite movies because:

It’s funny as hell but also makes me cry. Stylistically, it’s a blend of my two favorite filmmakers (Wes Anderson and Edgar Wright) but manages to feel fresh and unique. It’s a nice peek into a culture that’s relatively unseen by American audiences. And, lastly, I identify with depressed kids so I’m all about those types of characters.

I’m shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because:

It’s so goddamn good. The entire world needs this movie in its life.

The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are:

1. The Ricky Baker song
2. Sam Neill jumping to slaughter a boar
3. The Sarah Connor bit

Darch

I’m pretty sure this movie is about:

A secret group of people at Harvard. The new nerds hear about this secret club through a series of clues left for them after their chess club meetings. But will they be disappointed in a club that doesn’t live up to their expectations? Will they finally be accepted?

Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:

“Where are the Wilderpeople? WHO are the Wilderpeople?” “That can’t be what the clue means, it’s too simple.”

I haven’t seen this movie because:

I’ve never heard of it. ALSO IT’S NEW. Give me a break, people.


Darch types in gray over here.

Charles types in maroon over here.

Charles is making me watch with closed captions. ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.

This is directed by my boi Taika Waititi. He’s making the next Thor film. He’s dope.

—WE MEET THE ORPHAN—

Kid’s in the Illuminati. Get out your decoder rings.

200

Auntie Bella is not taking any of Paula Hall’s shit

“This kid is a reallll bad egg. You know, kicking stuff, spitting. The list goes on.”

I really identify with Sam Neill‘s grumpiness.

“Sorry about Hec, he’s a silly old goat.” New catch phrase.

—RICKY BAKER TRIES TO RUN AWAY, NO ONE MUCH MINDS, HE COMES BACK—

One time in Iceland I snuck out of a farmhouse in the middle of the night and almost got trampled by a ram. This dude is lucky.

I also really identify with Ricky’s interest in pancakes

Ricky is a Haiku master. He is not very good at naming them though.

OH you don’t want to pluck this dead squirrel’s skin? Okay let’s go play guns. BEST FOSTER PARENTS.

—RICKY AND AUNTIE BELLA START TO BOND OVER… SOMETHING—

Auntie Bella just slaughtered a pig and looks like Carrie now

If Hector doesn’t like this song, he doesn’t like anything.

—AUNTIE BELLA DIES. THAT QUICKLY—

OH man. Hector has to take care of this kid and he doesn’t even know how to smile himself.

Ricky just made Hec dinner. It’s burnt toast. I’m crying inside.

WE’RE ONLY ON CHAPTER TWO?????

This letter just said “Sorry sir that you lost someone important, we’d like to also take away the only other person you know.”

—RICKY AND HECTOR GET IN A FIGHT, RICKY DECIDES TO RUN OFF INTO THE BUSH—

This kid is like, me, Bella and old waterbottly are going to the sky place.

RIP Ricky Baker. It’s a fake Ricky though. Ricky Faker. I’m sorry for typing that.

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(I’d like everyone to know I could have deleted the above comment and did not.)

I’m glad to see Ricky really prepared for this trip.

Hec just found Ricky. But more importantly, Zag found Tupac.

—HEC GETS HURT. THEY ARE STUCK IN THE BUSH FOR SIX WEEKS—

The only thing Ricky has at his disposal in the Bush is haikus

AND DANCE

2001

 —HEC CAN WALK NOW. THEY GO TO A HUT AND FIND OUT THEY ARE WANTED—

“Most people die naked. But the trick is, don’t take off your clothes.” I’m ready for the jungle now.

Charles told me this is real, but it’s really cool that there are just houses for people in the bush to chill out.

But also, probably a lot of murders happen there.

Of all the times Hec has told Ricky to shut up, he neglected to do it when Ricky accidentally made it sound like he was being molested.

Dude’s got one bum leg and can take on three grown ass adults.

“GUN FIRES, MEN WHIMPER” is my favorite subtitle so far.

Hec has finally accepted Ricky as a travel companion. Now. it’s basically Pixar’s UP but with fewer dogs.

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—PAULA IS ON THE HUNT FOR RICKY WHICH MEANS… WE GET ANOTHER MONTAGE!!!—

One of my favorite things in movies/television shows is when people are doing tasks WAY OUT of the scope of their actual professions. This lady would just be waiting for the police to return with Ricky.

Darch is right about Paula. Homegirl’s been watching too many Law & Order re-runs.

Hec just threw a stick at a building to make sure the coast is clear. That is how I want to announce my entrance at parties from now on.

—RICKY HAS TO GO FIND HELP. HE MEETS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND SHE TAKES HIM TO HIS HOUSE TO CALL THE COPS—

“OMG It’s the missing kid, everyone is worried about his health. Can I have a selfie?”

2002

This girl’s dad is my favorite character in the movie. He loves sausage. He loves bros. He loves Maori representation. And I love him.

Ricky is basically a Hobbit. He loves bread, he follows an old dude around the forest, and he can’t properly dismount a horse.

—RICKY AND HEC ARE SEPARATED BUT STILL INDIVIDUALLY RUNNING FROM AN INSANE PAULA HALL—

Ricky is PRO at camouflaging.

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BIG TERMINATOR fight. Very adult.

—THEY MEET UP AGAIN! THE GANG IS ALL TOGETHER! THEN, ZAG DIES—

Wasn’t sure if I should warn Darch about Zag and the Boar.

HE SHOULD HAVE.

There is a website that I check before I watch every movie called doesthedogdie.com. This is not a bit.

—STILL ON THE RUN BUT THEY ARE CLOSING IN. BOTH THE COPS ARE CLOSING IN AND ALSO RICKY AND HEC ARE CLOSING IN ON BEING BEST FRIENDS—

Dude is spreading the lore about HIMSELF. “Yeah, I’m Psycho Sam, you’ve heard of me.”

Rhys Darby is in EVERYTHING made in New Zealand. He just shows up on set I think.

Hec complemented Ricky’s Haiku. If I hadn’t seen this three times this month, I’d be crying right now.

Rhys Darby just tried to “Clap off” a candle.

—THE COPS FIND THEM AT PSYCHO SAM’S HOUSE AND THE CAR CHASE BEGINS—

And now the movie looks a lot like GTA

WOW. The budget New Zealand has to send out like 8 tanks to bring in one kid that is a ward of the state. Incomprehensible. No wonder their math scores always beat us.

#SkuxLife

Also #TupacLives

—CAUGHT. THE TRIAL IS A MONTAGE OF COURSE. RICKY GOES HOME WITH THE SAUSAGE DAD—

The fact that Ricky got to keep Tupac is essentially all the resolution I need.

This is the most a film blog will ever mention Tupac

This old man chooses the skux life. Moral of the story.

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Overall Rating: A+
Comments: WOW. What a great movie. I watched it again two days later with my boyfriend. He loved it, too. It’s a movie for everyone. There are so many cute moments, TONS of quotable lines, (which are even more fun because they have accents!), it is both serious and heartfelt and hilarious. The characters are all well developed (even Sausage dad) and the dialogue is witty, warm and full of movie references. Also, now I know what Burger Rings are.

Serial Mom

A proper good time!

Never seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Justin Ulrich

This is one of my favorite movie because:

I used to watch corny horror movies all the time with my old roommate. She made me appreciate movies that are funny, not because they’re comedies, but funny because they exist and someone took the time to make them. Serial Mom is the epitome of that.

I am shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because:

It’s the only thing John Waters has made that not cringe-worthy or Hairspray.

The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are:

1. Schizophrenic prank call

2. Demonic-voice sex scene

3. SHE KILLS AN OLD LADY WITH A FUCKING COOKED LEG OF LAMB

Darch

I’m pretty sure this movie is about:

I mean, a serial killer mom. This one is really obvious. But WHY? I think she’s been a working woman for too long. She loses her job one day and can’t go home to face the kids. She meets a wandering salesman who only shows her kindness and wealth. She is beyond. She must have his money, so she can provide for her family. It starts with just wandering salesman, but then it becomes all the people that ever looked down on her for not having enough money. She ends up killing literally all of the Joneses.

Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:

The scene where she’s sitting on a motel bed and crying over the first traveler she murdered. Also a scene where she’s getting resourceful and feeding her kids like bone marrow o’s for their breakfast serial.

I haven’t seen this movie because:

I’ve never heard of it and I’m not super into like, “mom” movies.

Darch types in gray over here.

Justin types in maroon over here.

Average wait time for a movie to start: One hour.

—JUSTIN AND I HAVE TOO MUCH FUN WITH THE OPENING CREDITS—

Who the fuck is Mink Stole?

Patty Hearst is NOT in this movie. She’s in a closet somewhere.

Ricky Lake… you definitely did not peak in high school

—JUST YOUR CLASSIC 1950’s FAMILY WHERE THE MOM IS A PSYCHO—

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When is this movie set? The 50’s?

Oh, no the 90’s.

So Misty is young enough to still be into PeeWee Herman dolls, but old enough to go with “Carl” to Fuck Point without her mom batting an eyelash

—SOMEONE HAS BEEN PRANK CALLING A NEIGHBOR AND THEY SENT TWO DETECTIVES OUT TO INVESTIGATE INSTEAD OF JUST IGNORING IT. WHITE PEOPLE—

So glad to hear that the detectives know the mom is insane. It’s nice to see competent cops every so often in the movies.

“I don’t use bad language” said the lady who just answered the phone “Fuck you cocksucker”

So we’re to believe that this insane 50’s housewife is harrassing a woman because she stole a parking space one time?

—MRS. CRAZY GOES IN FOR PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES FOR SHAGGY—

Queue the racist asshole 90’s principle character

Okay, I’ve been a teacher before and you simply don’t talk to parents like this. It’s literally illegal to recommend therapy.

Oh god… this movie just reminded me that gum use to have two wrappers on it. Gross.

I would definitely say that station wagon is my weapon of choice.

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—JUST IN TIME FOR DINNER AND THE NIGHTLY NEWS—

I’m glad they timestamp every scene. I wouldn’t have known that them eating meatloaf at the dinner table was around evening time.

It’s always the math teacher that gets murdered. It’s a dangerous job.

“Whoever did this should get the death penalty.” This was Sam Waterston’s first taste of Law & Order.

—THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE SCENE—

Is her bird book just a book of serial killers that she’s in love with?

Who hears their parents fucking and goes to investigate?

Matthew Lilard’s finest role is in She’s All That.

—SERIAL MOM IS JUST A NORMAL HOUSEWIFE THAT JOKES ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE IN GRAPHIC TERMS. HAHAHA—

The thing that really gets a serial killer’s goose is people that don’t recycle.

Also how are people who drink on the job this so earth conscious.

—CARL, RICKY LAKE’S OBNOXIOUS FUCK BUDDY, DITCHES HER FOR ANOTHER CHICK AND GETS CAUGHT BY THE WRONG PSYCHOPATHIC MOMMA BEAR—

“$3? I guess that’s how I must have marked it…” Um that dude can just change the price of his goods at any moment. It’s a flea market.

I’ve never been to a Men’s bathroom before, but aren’t there usually like, other people?

90’s were the good ol’ days.

You could shit and not wash your hands.

Flea Market bathroom stalls had glory holes.

Take me back.

Why is a man who’s eating something walking into the Men’s bathroom?

—AND… ANOTHER BODY (CARL) IS DISCOVERED—

An overwhelming amount of clues in this movie. The opposite problem of Pretty LIttle Liars.

I love how perturbed she is about Scottie’s lack of wearing his fucking seatbelt

This lady reminds me a lot of my mom, except that she wears pants.

I would love to see the stage directions for this scene. “Yeah, eat the food but like, more ravage-y.”

During this part of the movie, mostly Lorne and Christen talked about keyboards. Hope nothing important happened.

—(WHAT WE MISSED) THE FAMILY IS ONTO SERIAL MOM. SERIAL MOM IS KILLING PEOPLE FASTER. EVERYONE KIND OF KNOWS, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT IT. THEY GO TO CHURCH AND EVERYONE IS BACKING AWAY FROM HER LIKE SHE’S THE DEVIL INCARNATE—

Misty has no concern that her mom is going to jail, just that she’s not gonna get laid in high school.

What exactly caused her husband’s change in tune. Was the tape cassette from Ted Bundy not enough evidence for him?

—BEDLAM! PEOPLE ARE RUNNING, SCREAMING FROM SERIAL MOM—

So the horror nerds are helping the Serial Mom escape? And they seem very excited to steal Scotty’s car in the process. This is their day.

Misty is getting with the paparazzi, it kind of seems like everyone is better off.

Best part of the movie incoming.

Lamb sandwich with Mint Jelly looks amazing.

Cooking an entire lamb for lunch is criminal in its own right.

What fucking opulence, lady…

Classic pump fake-switching out the knife for the lamb shank.

—THIRSTY FOR ANOTHER KILL, SERIAL MOM CHASES AFTER SCOTTY—

Foreshadowing the seatbelt coming into play.

They’ve only been amping it up the entire movie.

Even in the face of danger Scotty can’t see that his biggest sin is not wearing a seatbelt.

These fucking rock punkers, punk rockers? Don’t give a fuck that Scotty is being murdered during their show. They arguably like it.

Is it even legal to arrest someone while their name is being chanted?

Every movie should end with a crowd chanting the title of the movie.

—SHE IS TAKEN TO TRIAL—

“My name is Timoty Naselrod.” That sucks dude.

I’m sure John Waters lost his shit when he came up with Timothy Nasslerod for a character name.

Okay. I’ve seen a lot of Law and Order and we ALL know opening statements happen before the prosecution can call a witness to the stand. Also, once they switched representation, Serial Mom should have been able to review all the evidence before just going through cross examination.

Dottie Hinkel. Best character in the movie.

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“Do you recycle?” Really the turning point of the whole case. Rosemary is clearly a bitch killer.

Everyone is waving at Suzanne Somers like she is going to wave back. She isn’t.

—SERIAL MOM IS FREE! DESPITE THE EXISTENCE OF FACTS AND LOGIC—

Why would you try to argue with Serial Mom?

She punched you in the face with a phone, and you still argue with her?

“No, please! Fashion has changed!” Best fight for your life I’ve ever seen.

//giphy.com/embed/TKJUsAHbdNLj2 via GIPHY

Overall Rating: A
Comments: This movie was insane. There were so many moments where I was thinking, “This isn’t really. No one could possibly believe this is correct. Nothing could get crazier” and I was wrong on all counts. It was fun and so stupid and corny. It has to be a cult classic somewhere and I’d love to go see it in a movie theater and like throw lamb at the screen. Besides the fact that she murders people, Serial Mom was actually a pretty good mom, teaching Ricki Lake not to body shame herself and standing up for Matthew Lilard and his weird boyish girlfriend for loving horror movies even when their teachers say it’s bad for them. It’s just you know, we all have our bad days.

The Lost Boys

A teen-angsty good time!

Never seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.

With Rafe Dean Williams

This is one of my favorite movie because:

It is the quintessential 80’s horror/adventure flick.

I am shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because:

The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are:

1. Sexy Saxophone guy

2. Maggots Michael, you’re eating Maggots

3. Sexy Saxophone guy

Darch

I’m pretty sure this movie is about:

The Lost Boys. The only lost boys we all know and love. Finally. I’m sick of the dumb spinoffs about Tinkerbell or like when Wendy gets old. WHO CARES? I’m so excited for this animated remake of the original furries. I’m mostly interested in how the two raccoon twins got matching costumes. Did they make the costumes themselves? Or did their mothers make them and then say, “Go get lost, boys.”

Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:

“Peter, I hate Wendy, for real. She’s totally messing with our chill.” “Wendy, more like Yoko.” There’s a scene where all the lost boys in their pj animal onesies meet each other, but every time before they meet, they think each new person is the animal they represent.

I haven’t seen this movie because:

I’ve never been able to find it. Thank God Rafe told me about it. I’ve dreamed of it my whole life.

Darch types in gray over here.

Rafe types in maroon over here.

—WE MEET THE LOST BOYS—

Movie opens on killer “Thou Shall not Kill” 80’s riff!

Adults on a merry go round. I’m in.

All the blondes are ancestors of Draco Malfoy.

—THE NEW KIDS IN TOWN MEET THE TOWN—

Lotta missing kids in this town and a sick Doors song.

“Any jobs in this town?” “Nothing legal.” HARDCORE

Obligatory dirt bike! Classic 80’s move.

There’s both all missing kids and also no adults in this town.

“You know what it means when there’s no TV? No MTV!” Solid Logic.

“The second shelf is for my rootbeer.” This dad is my dad.

Granddad is the peepaw I aspire to be.

“You have a TV?” “No, but if you read the TV Guide you don’t need TV.” It’s official. He’s my dad.

—NEW KIDS CHECK OUT THE TOWN… AFTER HOURS—

Oiled up saxophone player appears Darch’s life changed forever.

HOT GIRL ALERT

Who hangs a poster of missing cops?

—MOM LOOKS FOR A JOB, HAIM MEETS THE FROGG BROTHERS—

The straight laced guy from every high school movie is wearing a crazy pink blouse in this movie. NO ONE IS SAFE.

Corey Haim is wearing the sweetest of all dusters, suck it Chuck Norris.

“Look if you’re looking for the diet frozen yogurt store it went out of business.” BEST INSULT

—MICHAEL FINDS THE HOT GIRL AGAIN—

HOT GIRL’S boy is dressed like a confederate soldier.

Yeah they call him lil’ Stonewall Jackson cause he’s a huge cockblocker.

All of  Haim’s shirts are pages printed from children’s books.

Kid on back of bike with no helmet, child endagerment is so the 80’s

—MICHAEL GOES TO THE VAMPIRE LAIR—

They have said “Michael” like ten times in the last nine lines.

Cool ninja turtle like lair young mulleted jack bauer

“This is our hangout. We’ve filled it with cool metal trash.”

Never accept beaver from your grandpa 

Cool rob lowe and molly ringwald posters

Michael just wasted a really good carton of maggots.

Michael took a quick slurp of wine and the HOT GIRL and her boy backed away terrified. Like you’re hanging out in a cave with a bunch of dudes that probably murder people and underage drinking is freaking your out?

Mike love that bandana red mad dog 20/20

If I drank every time someone said “Michael” in this movie I’d be in the ER.

If all of your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you? Michael would.

—MICHAEL COMES HOME AND HAIM IS DISPLEASED—

“Lose the earring Michael, it’s not you” Haim is the Jiminy Cricket of the movie.

This kid finds out his brother is a vampire and immediately threatens to tell mom. Such a little brother.

When did they stop putting missing kids on milk cartons?

This was the sole means of protecting kids from predators for 2 decades…
Breakfast scare tactics.

—HAIM GETS ADVICE FROM THE FROGG BROs TO VAMPIRE PROOF HIS LIFE—

What kind of house has eight cloves of garlic just around?

Is HOT GIRL the Wendy of the whole operation?

The raccoon twins (Frogg bros.) are definitely the coolest. They basically own their own comic book shops. No rules.

I wanted to be the Frogg brothers when I was a kid

“What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire?”

Darch still doesn’t realize that she has met one of the vamp actors in real life.

How does HOT GIRL know Laddie? Siblings? Kidnapped from the same gypsy camp? Time travel companions?

—TO TURN MICHAEL HUMAN AGAIN, THEY HAVE TO KILL THE HEAD VAMPIRE—

Touching brother moment but Edgar frog does not fuck around.

Secret cave hang out with a secret entrance? Very Peter Pan of the Lost Boys.

Great time for a nap Michael

Keeping with Twilight canon, the vampires blood is diamond dust. Some rave girls love this movie.

—THEY DONE FUCKED UP AND NOW THEY REALLY HAVE TO VAMPIRE PROOF THE HOUSE FOR THE BIG BATTLE—

Time for that sweet ass montage.

Is there a garlic farm nearby?

Holy water super soakers, suck it Kevin Mccallister OG home alone move.

The greatest mystery of all is who tf is laddie?

Holy water n garlic holistic chemical peel

All the pipes just exploded blood. Sounds like THE WORST period.

This vampire just died because he was electrocuted by a stereo and then a bunch of fire crackers went off behind him. I think this is “special effects”.

THIS HOUSE IS DESTROYED and no one learned a damn thing.

PopPop put a nice button on it.

Overall Rating: B

Comments: This movie was fun and stupid. It was a really good time to watch. I’m kind of surprised it isn’t like a cult movie, where people like throw maggots at the screen and all dress up like Corey Haim and play fake saxophones. Actually, that sounds really fun. I’m in.