Never seen the movie? Me neither! Watch the trailer here.
With Jacob McGuire
This is one of my favorite movies because:
It has so much to offer. It is heartbreaking to see a man want something so badly but be battling so many demons. It’s inspiring to see a guy working so hard to achieve his dream despite alcoholism, depression, and incompetent friends. It’s also full of real, awkward, hilarious moments. Probably one of the movies I quote the most
I am shocked Darch hasn’t seen this because:
I am not really shocked, I think it had a pretty limited release as these documentaries tend to. Luckily someone showed it to me in college.
The three parts I’m most excited for Darch to see are:
1. Mark giving one of his passionate drunk ramblings.
2. Bill trying to remember his 1 line
3.Mike Schank Screaming
I’m pretty sure this movie is about:
A cowboy that becomes President. He was born really, really poor, taught himself to read and manage people. He started by making peace between farmers arguing over land boundaries and finally, he’s the President. He worked hard to get here, but can his small town thinking rule the largest pasture of all, America?
Famous scenes/lines I think are in this movie:
“If it works on a steer, it’ll work on China.” “This isn’t Old McDonald, it’s Mao Zedong.” There’s also a scene where the Cowboy President falls into a ditch of some sort and has to LITERALLY pull himself up by his bootstraps. (He wears boots under his suits).
I haven’t seen this movie because:
I have literally no clue what it is about.
Darch types in gray over here.
Jacob types in red over here
It’s a documentary. I’m WAYYYY off.
—WE MEET MARK, THE MOST DEDICATED/UNLUCKY GUY—
Everyone is wearing the sweatshirts you find in Goodwill.
Dirty sock on the microphone
Mullet guy is a self-described loser, but also, the star of the movie?
We’re just watching this mullet guy open mail… ART!
He got a Mastercard!
Mark’s mom, also the director of photography and craft services
—WE FIND OUT ABOUT MARK’S PREVIOUS PROJECTS—
Everyone in this movie is talking about Mullet guy. I think he’s really going to be something.
Ken Keen is the worst name of our time.
The More the Scarier a horror classic
These Wisconsin kids have never sworn before.
Mark will show you passion
—MARK’S DREAM IS TO MAKE THE MOVIE “NORTHWESTERN”—
Mullet guy LOCKS HIMSELF IN HIS CAR to work.
Can Mark sweet talk his rich uncle into funding his movie…bring out a picture of a babe
His rich uncle needs all the money he has to buy sweaters that are nonChristmas.
Sleepy sloth man is sleeping in a basket
This movie is all the incompetence of Fargo in real life.
I like that everyone’s lower third ID is friend/something or some relation to Mark.
Brother wearing a hooters shirt
—NO ONE BELIEVES IN MARK, HE DOESN’T GET THE FUNDING—
Mark ditches Northwestern to start COVEN. COh-Ven, not Cuh-ven, the real word.
Name dropping Casablanca
All I want to do in life is suck down peppermint schnapps and call Morocco at 3 in the morning.
“If I don’t make money on COVEN, I can’t make Northwestern.” THE STAKES HAVE BEEN RAISED.
They are telling the OLDEST man I’ve ever seen to “be upbeat.” He’s breathing on his own. That’s a huge success story right there.
—MARK STARTS TO FILM COVEN, POORLY—
“Can you film this? Just put the subject in the center of the shot?” “Maybe?” “Fuck it, my mom will just be in it.”
“How is it?” “It’s good it’s good. Well, you can’t see your beard…” This movie is really about the human spirit.
Update, the Hooter shirt is also a bowling shirt, the hooter is bowling
“It’s totally unChristian to try to get ahead.” SUCH A POOR PERSON THING TO SAY.
He just described his girlfriend as slick and cool. That’s how I refer to Rachel.
Mullet Guy is the father of three children. THE STAKES HAVE BEEN RAISED.
“There’s only ONE girl that I respect and like.” WTF?
—MARK HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW, EVERYTHING IS GOING SMOOTHLY—
He’s wearing his autographed America the band shirt? That needs to be behind a glass case
This old man can’t give less of a fuck about the movie he funded.
Still mulling over the hypothetical bottle of victory wine they will get when their movie makes $45,000.
This old guy is the GRUMPIEST guy I’ve ever seen.
He is now on The More The Scarier 12
3rd person casually wearing a bowling shirt
Finally, an insight into the psyche of the best friend.
The lottery- “sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but when you use drugs or alcohol, you always lose.”
—THE MOVIE IS TAKING TOO LONG, IN THE EYES OF ALMOST EVERYONE—
Papa’s cutting Mullet Guy off. It’s about time.
Vodka creates another friendship!
Listen 3 year old kid make sure that camera stays integrated and meshed
Update: Mullet guy isn’t married to the mother of his kids and is confused about how the law stands on this situation.
Thanksgiving of 1996, I wonder what I was like
They vape in heaven
—WE SEE HOW MARK REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT THE OLDEST MAN ON EARTH—
Bill’s annual Thanksgiving bath
“That’s a science photo!” -My new favorite quote
I can’t stop predicting Bill’s death in every scene that he’s in.
Mullet guy could EASILY be played by Macaulay Culkin in one of his weird phases.
Another great think about this movie is it chronicles Brett Favre and the Packer’s Super Bowl run in the background
I can’t imagine filming a movie in 1990 and trying to pick it up in 1996. The technology had to have changed SO MUCH.
I am pretty sure he hasn’t got a new piece of film equipment since 1982
—HE ASKS HIS MOM TO FILM, ABOUT TO HIT A LOW POINT—
This guy just said “Cut” AFTER he knew the camera was off.
His girlfriend left him and he got in a huge fight with the mother of his children and he’s just sitting in his car like “I guess I have nothing left.”
Honey go to bed, don’t mind the maniac cackling in the living room
Steven Spielberg never had to explain every step of movie making to his mother, geeze
Literally 2 vacuums glued together
—MARK GETS HIS LIFE TOGETHER, A LITTLE—
This best friend can play the guitar blindfolded. Which is pretty neat, but I bet he had to bribe the filmmakers so that part was in the movie.
Stole flowers from the cemetery to get his girl back! Also a move I have used with Rachel
His mom is his best friend/only person helping with the film.
“Can we record this one line?” “When am I going to eat my dinner?” Uncle Bill is the funniest/grumpiest part of the movie.
“You have to believe in what you’re saying” “Well I don’t. I don’t believe in anything you’re doing.” WOW.
—FILMING IS WRAPPED, BIG EDITING NIGHT—
Mike Shank drug story
I hate that this is the glory days of the Packers, and I can tell you for absolute certain, I watched all of these games when I was younger.
Back in 1997 20 bucks would get you 4 pitchers at Jim Mitchells
Don’t watch this movie if you’ve ever had a dream before.
Watch this movie if you ever have had a dream
—PEOPLE REALLY CROSSING THEIR FINGERS FOR THIS MOVIE—
“Every time we were together, something didn’t go right.” That’s the best thing I can say about his character.
The most amazing part of this movie is that Bill is not dead yet.
The only qualifications to be a proper scholar in Mark’s dads eyes is know how to spell a word
“What’s the Mark Borchardt style?” “Drinking. Drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking.”
Peer pressure is bullshit
—THE MOVIE SORT OF STOPS HAVING A FOCUS—
We’re picking up Ken from jail. -Lots of nonsensical subplots here.
Do junkyards just let you walk around and bust car windows?
Mullet Guy is so dedicated to this film. Hasn’t had a haircut since they started filming.
He cashed in his Marlboro points for that free t-shirt
Mark is very cynical about the cemetery business
Proud of Mark for holding down a job, and keeping a shirt clean.
—TIME TO ADVERTISE OUR MOVIE!—
We had flyers that were important, so we put them on a pile of garbage…
The best friend did the whole soundtrack to this movie. Where is he now?????
Sex, money, power and a 50 dollar lottery ticket is what makes Mike tick
Sleepover splice party
—THE BIG PREMIERE—
I’m so nervous. Everyone is nervous. We’re all so nervous. It’s like a 30 minute film…
3 years in the making it all comes down to this
No one that funded this movie is happy about having to see the movie.
Spoiler alert for Coven everyone dies
“Mike are you happy?” “Yeah.” “Good, ‘cause don’t drink.” Deep.
It’s impossible to tell whether Bill is singing a song he made up or just rambling.
I couldn’t tell if Bill was in a rap battle or was saying a prayer.
Overall Rating: B
Comments: This movie was confusing. I feel like they had a really good plan for the documentary and then nothing worked out, Mark couldn’t make Northwestern and they filmmakers were like, “Well, we’re all ready here.” What they ended up capturing is depressing and frustrating but also heartwarming and charming at times. The people in this movie are so strangely passionate about what they are doing, it’s hard to tell if what they are making is any good or not, but it is gold to them. I still don’t know if it is a cautionary tale or like a pick yourself up and follow your dreams tale. We may never know.